sex glitch
Did we have sex?
Yeah, but it took a while til it happened cause you didn´t realise that I still had some trousers on :D
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this is what marriage is about
Let´s get Dominos
I don´t like Dominos. Let´s get Pizza Hut.
But I don´t like Pizza Hut...
Let´s get Papa Jones, so we don´t like it equally.
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ok that hurts
My mobile fell down yesterday, know there´s a huge crack in the display -,-
Oh man, shit.. take a photo of it
um how should I take a pic of my mobile with my mobile??
just take a screenshot!
Oh my god :D I think you fell down anywhere too!
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another story of pizza delivery
Ordered pizza, was waiting for about 1 1/2 hours so I called again. The lady on the phone said: "I was hoping that you call again. Our delivery man lost the order and didn´t know where he has to deliver the pizza" :D
It figures! Last time the delivery man asked me for using my toilet!
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announcement on the train
Dear ladies and gents, we´ve got a delay of 10 min. now, because of jammed doors and silly passengers :D I think the conductor wants to go home, too :)
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I think I have to pay extra...
Hey darling :* I´ve got a question.. what would you do if you´d win in the lottery? :)
I´d pay you the half of it off and fly to Majorca.
Well, you´ve won € 2,50
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Oh my gosh! I´d prefer to let my eyes lasered at 10.0-magnitude earthquake than constructing an IKEA-bed with my Dad again!
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Mom would hide the body??
Mama!
Just killed a man
Put a gun against his head pulled my trigger now he´s dead!
MAMAAAAOOOOO
What? Let me hide the body, where is it?
Can anybody read this texts?
Are those song lyrics?
Those are song lyrics.
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help! my mobile is a fellow
My mobile is definitely a fellow :D
Why? :D
Wanted to make a selfie and the face detection circled my boobs :DD
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Problem solved
I hate my friend for studying informatics -,-
How come? :o thought you find it quite practical :DD
Since a couple of months we nudge each other on facebook.. and always when I nudge him he nudges back after few seconds. I asked him how he´s doing that. This jerk wrote himself a programme, cause the nudging pisses him off!!! -,-
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lazy pigs
04:31 PM
Just saw you with a big gym bag. Do you train now, too?
No. I bought a heap of chips, 6l Coke and some cake.. therefore the big bag. Tonight´s the "Lord of the Rings-Marathon"
Oh my god.. you lazy pigs!
07:05 PM
Hey can I come over and watch with you?
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I wonder what it is
08:36 PM
female
As you come afterwards, please take some condoms with you!
male
I´ve got a girlfriend and... NO?!
female
No worries! I´ve got a craft idea and not enough left at home!
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life is like a box of chocolates
Life is like a box of chocolates
It doesn´t last as long for fat people
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perfect revenge of revenge
male
Super! Seems there´s a contact ad in the net with my cell number. According to the motto “good-looking blonde is searching for sex without ties after a long and dumb relationship”. Every 10 min. a megahorny man calls me now!
male
Dude! How´s that?
I think it was my ex Doris
She´s a bit bonkers - I told you so!! I´m in town afterwards, I´m gonna take your mobile with me and I´ll answer every call and invite all guys for tomorrow evening 7:00 pm to Doris´. Give me her address once again please… In this café opposite we can watch the “party” :P And you´re going to buy a new SIM-card in the meanwhile.
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professional advice
How´d your hospital exam go?
Passed! But in the afternoon a big hornet bit me :´(
oh man sounds not good.. what can you do in that case? You´re a professional auxiliary now ;)
In my experience the best thing is to cry sufficiently, shout at the place of action so that everybody knows it hurts and cool if required
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